Living by oneself definitely takes some getting used to. So I’ve been trying to keep myself busy by job hunting and looking for those kind of connections, or enjoying hobbies such as this or videogaming. But this morning, something happened that made me feel peaceful, or see “unexpected quiet time” in a different way.
For some reason, my TV would not work until just a little bit ago. Technology is only great when it works, am I right? But instead of getting angry about things not working like I normally would, I calmed myself and was like, “Okay. I’m going to focus on other things today instead of being upset and wasting time on the TV.”
As soon as I shifted that mindset, I began to actually enjoy the complete silence and feel content, and later asked Jesus to bring me closer to Him in any way, take care of me and forgive me. And since then, I’ve felt peace today. And I don’t often have this kind of thought, because I don’t really think that deep about it. But I wish I could physically SEE Jesus, talk to Him, and spend time with Him. It was like missing a friend and wishing you could see them again. I felt sad.
Even though I’m sure it was a hard life 2,000 years ago in the Middle East, I wish I had been able to tag along with Jesus and the Apostles back in their day. Witnessing miracles and seeing Jesus for myself would’ve been indescribable. I would’ve wanted to sit next to Him and be close to Him wherever He went. Although I know I would’ve been like Peter, when he said, “Depart from me, Lord. For I am a sinful man.”
Peter felt unworthy of following Jesus. I do too. Always. I never consider myself a leader or as strong in my faith as I think I should be. It bothers me when I sin one moment, and try to read Scripture or pray the next. But then I remember Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice, and am renewed day after day. It wasn’t always like this. I used to despair over whenever I would screw up, and feel like I was doomed to be in trouble. But constantly beating ourselves up is denying the healing that Jesus can bring. And He can bring us this healing and peace anywhere, and at any time of day. All we need to do is focus our minds and hearts on Him and ask.
Before I moved into the apartment, I often found peace and Jesus outside in nature. I love being outside when it’s warm out. But now I am finding Him in volunteering to help people, studying Scripture from time to time (I need to do that more often), and today, in the quiet time created by no TV, even though it wasn’t what I was expecting.
Jesus is always there. We just have to calm our minds, pray to Him, and allow our mind and heart to go closer to Him. Finding Him and growing closer to Him doesn’t have to mean simply going to Church every Sunday either, although I encourage everyone to go if that’s how they find Him the easiest. But you can find Him and spend time with Him everywhere. He brings unbelievable peace to those who find Him. It’s like you don’t have to worry about anything, you’re content, secure, and stronger in your faith. And you’re more capable of being patient, kind and loving to others. More like Him.